When The Rain Stops Falling
by writergirl96
Summary: I hadn't ever really that he would come back. Edward Cullen had made it perfectly clear that he did not love me anymore. But suddenly, there he was.


I wrapped my arms around myself tighter…undoubtedly trying to hold myself together as Jacob had told me a million times. It was a defense gesture, one that I didn't even think about until someone brought it to my attention. And lately, people had. Jessica, when she decided to talk to me, Mike, Angela, Charlie, Jacob. Even Embry had said to me the other day. "Bella, what the hell?" he'd said and mimicked my stance.

But it's not like I could help it. I could feel the pieces of myself breaking off and cluttering into tiny, indecipherable pieces and there was nothing I could do but hold on to my edges, struggling to keep those from caving in too.

Anytime anyone had brought up his name, or the Cullen name or even talked about love at all, I went crazy. I could feel my grip tightening on myself and my eyes closing, trying to take myself to my happy place. The brilliant, beautiful meadow that we had gone once. Except that I was there alone now because it hurt too much to picture his face in my mind. It hurt too much to picture him at all. Or to remember him. So I just didn't.

The pain that comes with losing a love is the most unimaginably fierce pain that I could imagine. But it was more than just losing Edward. It was losing Alice - my dearest friend. It was about losing Jasper and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme and even Rosalie. I wanted them all back… almost as much as I wanted him back. But I don't think that I could ever want someone or something as much as I wanted him. Even now. Six months after he'd left me.

In some way sit was getting better. I was talking with people again and I came out of my room. I'd started cooking again for Charlie and I found myself pouring over recipe books and trying difficult recipes just so I'd have something to focus on. My grades were better than they'd ever been, straight A's, because I had nothing else to do and I needed something to focus on.

I spent a lot of time with Jacob, too. It felt good to lean into his strong, warm arms and let my sad, sad heart find whatever solace that it could there. It felt good to be dangerous and stupid and take our motorcycles out and try stupid things. Especially since I always heard his voice then, angry and demanding in my ear. The ache lessened a little then even though I had to pay for it at night.

So, in all of this, all of my pain and my trying to move on and wishing that he would come back I never really thought that he would. He'd made himself perfectly clear in the forest that day. Edward Cullen did not love me. I was not good for him, he was tired of playing charades with me and he would leave me alone.

_It will be as if I never existed. _

And so far it had. No one talked about him to me. He'd taken all of the pictures that I'd had of him and did God-knows-what with them. He had not contacted me at all over the last six months. All that I had left of him were these three things. First and foremost, my pain. Second, my memories which no matter how hard I tried to hold onto them were fading. Just a little. And last, the voices that screamed in my ear whenever I attempted something dangerous.

So on another rainy, pearl gray morning when I went out to start my pick-up so it would me nice and warm when I needed to leave, I was more than a little surprised to see him standing there, on my porch, looking as if he were wondering whether or not he should knock or run.

"Hi." was all he said.

I'd thought about, when I'd imagined that my heart could handle it, what it would be like if he came back. I'd imagined myself running into his stone arms. I'd imagined his cold kisses and his strong fingers running through my hair. I imagined wrapping as much of myself as I could get around him and crying out in joy as I held him. I imagined feeling whole again - never questioning him for leaving me. I would just be glad to have him back.

I never imagined that I'd be angry.

But I was. Blindingly angry as I stared up into his golden eyes. I didn't say anything, wasn't sure if I could trust my voice to speak as I looked into the face that shattered me with it's beauty.

"Bella." He said and his face broke into a smile only to freeze there.

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a low, controlled voice. I realized that my hands were shaking. I clenched them into fists and hid them in my pockets.

"Are you all right?" He asked. He was frowning now, just a little as he looked down at me. "Do you need to sit down or-"

"You son of a bitch." My voice was still low and quiet. "What the hell are you doing _here_?"

"Alice said that she saw you-"

"Alice?" I was surprised how much the sound of her beautiful name cut at me. I'd tried to avoid thinking of her as much as I'd tried to avoid thinking about Edward.

"She said that she saw you in trouble. Sad. She said that you weren't doing so good. I came to see why." I could see the flicker in his eyes and I knew that wasn't what he'd really meant to say, that his words had come out wrong. I might have given him another chance if I'd been able to stop myself. I exploded.

"You came to see _why_?" I shouted at him. "You left me, Edward. You left me all alone to try and pick the pieces that you tore apart. You said that you loved me, that we'd be together forever and then you left me. And you are surprised to find that I'm not doing so good? That I'm sad? It surprises you that each and every morning it's a good day if I can get out of bed? Really? I thought you were so much smarter than that, Edward."

"I said that I would stay with you as long as it's what was best for you." I could tell that he was angry now too but I couldn't find it in me to really care about that in that moment. "I warned you that I was no good for you. I warned you to stay away from me but you're the one who didn't listen, aren't you, Bella?"

"So what are you doing here? Trying to hurt me all over again? Is that it, Edward? Did you sense that I was finally able to make it through a day without wishing to God that I would die and you had to come around and take that away from me, too?"

Vampires can't cry. But I swear that I saw a tear shimmer in his eyes. I steeled myself against him and tried to hold onto what he'd done to me but I couldn't, not really. "I missed you, Bella. I came here today to beg for you back. I came to ask for another chance."

"Why should I?" And now the tears were pouring out of my eyes - damn him. I clenched my fists and smoke through my teeth in an effort to keep myself under control. "Am I suppose to believe that you won't leave me again?"

"No, I'm not asking you to believe anything but it's true. I will never leave you again. I was every bit as miserable as you were. And I'd give anything - do anything - to have you back. Please, Bella." His eyes were tortured, the burning man. He was reaching for my hand and I wanted so badly to take it. My Edward. Right here in front of me once again, begging for my hand. How could I not?

So I reached for him at the same time that he reached for me and decided I would ask all of the questions later. I wouldn't let him off easy, no that was for certain. But I wouldn't let him be taken from me twice.

My person slice of heaven, carried down from the clouds, just for me.


End file.
